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I'm a people pleaser.  Well, I should say I WAS a people pleaser.
For a large majority of my life, I was always doing what made others happy.  As I look back on that time in my life, I now know that it all stemmed from years of being bullied.  Which I think can be a pretty common occurrence among those of us who have gone through something traumatic like this.  Then again, maybe I'm wrong.  I really don't know how other bullying victims feel.  But I do know how I felt.  An inwardly frightened girl who so desperately wanted people to like her that she sacrificed her own needs and joys out of the fear that people would never truly love her if she did something contrary to what they thought or did.  So, I plastered a smile on my face and pleased the hell out of those around me.


I wish I could say this only lasted through the awkward years of high school, but this chapter in my book of life spanned across an entire decade and then some.
"What changed?" you may ask...
I wish I could say.

All I know is one morning I woke up no longer caring what others thought of me.  Except God and my Savior, Jesus Christ, that is.  Their opinions of me will forever matter because they are the ones who grant me daily breath in this life and the next.  Along with so many other things!  So, I will forever do all that I can to uphold the covenants I have made so that I and my family can return home to them.  Everyone else, however, is a different story.  Of course, I will forever do all that I can to make those that I know and interact with feel they are loved and of significant worth to me.  But, I will no longer postpone or eliminate doing things that I am passionate about for fear that they'll no longer want to be my friend.   If people choose to no longer be in my life because they are annoyed or disagree with something I do, then they really weren't my friends to begin with.  A saying we've heard a thousand times, but can be so utterly hard to grasp!
So, why am I even writing about all of this?
Let me tell you.


For the longest time, I've wanted to do two things.  1) Dye my hair the color of an Easter Egg.  2) Be a model in a photo shoot.  But have always held off because I knew I would never hear the end of it from my mom if I dyed my hair and unnatural color and almost every single girl I know has something negative to say about photo shoots.
Since starting this blog though, I have had the opportunity to be in few photo shoots.  So I can check that off my list.  But, I hadn't yet been able to transform my hair into a beautiful peachy hue until just recently when I teamed up with dear friend Emma to semi-check this item off the ol' bucket list; and I say "semi" because we used hair chalk.   Sure I'm all for taking the big leap, but hair dye can be a near permanent thing, and I really wanted to make sure I could pull off such a look before signing my name on the dotted line.  Haha!  Obviously, being cautious is something I will never give up!
(Note: I loved the color and will be doing a permanent change very soon!)
Seriously though, with all that I have just shared, I hope the one thing you can get from this the motivation you need to get out there and try something you have been holding back on for fear that it would make someone you know, unhappy.  If you aren't breaking the law or doing something to endanger the physical, mental and emotional well-being of those around you.  Raise a quizzical eyebrow to the naysayers, grab life by the horns, and DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY.  Yes, you!  Because, as the great D.H. Lawrence once said, "A woman has to live her life, or live to repent not having lived it."
XX,
 P.S. It was so hard for me to choose which pictures to include in this post.  Golly!  So I decided to put the rest on my Facebook account.  Head over their to see the rest of the incredible work Pureza Spa, Janay Marie, and Angela Montierth did to make these pictures so dreamy!
Hair: Cut, Style, and Color-Emma's Parlour
Fashion: Janay Marie
Photography: Angela Montierth


2 comments

  1. I'd love to try hair chalk - which brand did you use?

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  2. Its such a great product Cathy Olson! I wish I knew what product my hair stylist used. But, if you want, you can contact her yourself. She loves answering questions like this. You can find her and her contact info on IG under @emmasparlour.

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