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Yep, you most definitely read the title of this post correctly.  Today, we are going to talk about the big S word...Sex.  For those who know me very well, they will tell you that I am definitely not one to shy away from this topic.  I love absolutely everything about it.  So, I think it's safe to say that Sex is a favorite past time and discussion topic of mine. 

 As you know, we love to keep things honest and insightful here at Mumsy.  Which is exactly why I wanted to write about this sometimes controversial topic.  Not to cause a heated debate about the dos and don'ts of sex, but to have an open and real conversation about one of the most important aspects of sex that I think we as women don't talk enough about.

Wanting nothing more than for this to be an educational and enlightening post, I decided to let my friend Britny take the reigns on this conversation. 

Britny, first and foremost is a mother and wife.  Living and loving life in Homer, Alaska.  But, aside from celebrating 14 years of marriage to her husband and raising 4 beautiful children, Britny is also a consultant with Pure Romance; a company that focuses on empowering and educating women about sex in a professional environment.  Which is why I asked her to do this.  Britny really knows her stuff when it comes to sex; and I honestly think she is the the perfect woman to lead this discussion.

Hope you enjoy!

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Valentine’s Day is right around the corner. This is the time of year when couples are particularly reminded to rekindle that spark of romance.  It’s also a great time to evaluate the frequency and quality of your sex life with your partner. That’s right, I said it…SEX!  Sex is an incredibly important part of your relationship with your partner. It establishes intimacy, creates a unique bond and is an activity that has boundless potential to be unique to the two of you. Sex is intended to be a valuable asset to a committed relationship. However, it is also a topic that some are uncomfortable discussing. Whether you were raised with certain ideas about physical intimacy, haven’t had the best experience or are just extra sensitive to the private nature of the topic, it is time to take the stigma away and explore it in a way that will help you comfortably establish your experience as a couple.  

Everyone has their own ideas about sex. When women come to my presentations, I give them the opportunity to order privately in a separate room and I am amazed at how uncomfortable the topic of sex is in the majority of their relationships. This is something we all need to work at in our relationships!  I always say “if you can communicate in the bedroom, you can communicate about anything in your relationship.” Good communication is based on three things; trust, acceptance and openness. Lasting, meaningful communication involves give and take for both partners.  Bringing this give and take into the bedroom will help energize your sex life, which in turn will help you feel closer, even when sex is the furthest thing from your minds.  

For many women, especially women with young families and busy lives, the idea of sex is just one more thing on their “to do” list that week. Very rarely is it a priority for them or something they look forward to or instigate on their own with their partners. Somewhere along the way, women shift their mindset about physical intimacy from the early, exciting days of their marriage to ranking as a lower priority than making sure that the laundry is all folded or the kitchen is clean before bed. While it is a fairly natural progression when you have a lot on your plate, how do you think that makes your partner feel? Research consistently shows that between 80 and 90 percent of men view sex as the most important aspect of their marriage.  Many women assume that because sex is a physical need for their husbands, it doesn’t have an emotional or relational impact.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  A man’s sexuality has a tremendous impact on his emotional and marital well-being and the closeness and bonding that occurs with a healthy sex life is crucial to remaining a strong couple.     

“I’m never in the mood for sex anymore.”
“I can’t remember the last time I felt excited about the idea of being intimate with my husband.”
“Ever since the birth of my first baby I don’t want sex—period.  Now we have three kids and I just go through the motions.”
Does any of this sound familiar?  You are not alone.  An astounding 40% of women in this country experience no or very low sexual desire. This stems from a combination of emotional and physiological causes. A lack of libido can be caused from a past negative sexual experience, a medication you may be taking from antihistamines to antidepressants, stress or even your current birth control.  Whatever the reason, having a low sexual desire can be frustrating and confusing. The good news is that it is treatable. Make it a priority for your relationship to do your homework about possible causes and eliminate/address the ones that you can. Get your partner involved too. While it “takes two to tango” is also takes two to make sure it is a relaxing and pleasurable experience for both of you.
Here are some other statistics about sex in relationships that you might not know:
-50% are dissatisfied with their bedroom escapades
-37% feel that their time between the sheets ends too quickly
-84% of women have sex to get their guy to do more around the house
-50% believe our sex lives lack excitement and variety
-48% of women have faked an orgasm
-90% believe it is possible for sex to get better after years of being together
-60-75% of couples say their routine is marked by the “missionary position” every Saturday morning.


Let’s look at these statistics a little more closely. 50% are dissatisfied in the bedroom, but 90% believe it is possible for sex to get better. But this can’t happen if 60%-75% of us are stuck in a routine! Like anything we engage in in our live, sex needs variety in order to keep it from becoming mundane and routine. I believe, as women, it is so important to truly understand our bodies, especially because they change as we have babies and age. Physical intimacy can be an amazing boost to your confidence and your relationship and you should be getting as much out of it as your partner. Becoming more comfortable with letting go and allowing yourself to enjoy sex the way you were meant to can be life changing. 
  
For men to get aroused and achieve an orgasm, it is usually fairly straightforward and achieved quickly.  The average time it takes a man to reach orgasm is just over two minutes.  For women it’s much different.  The average time it takes a woman reach an orgasm is over 14 minutes and over 70% of women cannot achieve an orgasm with just intercourse alone.  Women need to feel connected and relaxed and foreplay is key to helping you get to the point where the blood to flow to your most sensitive areas increases sensitivity and allows you to reach orgasm. It takes experimentation and time for you and your partner to figure out exactly what works for you, but that is half the fun…
So, maybe consider skipping the new tie and box of chocolates this Valentine’s Day and look into more unique ideas to start the conversation of sex and add a little variety.  My website offers lots of options to help you get started or increase your current repertoire.  Between pampering bath and beauty products, books and games, lotions and lubricants (not all lubricants are created equal so make sure you are using the ones that are best for you) and bedroom accessories, you are guaranteed to find something that will help you heat up your relationship.

Bedroom accessories may seem new and intimidating, but don’t forget that 70% of women cannot have an orgasm with just intercourse alone?  Clitoral or g-spot stimulation is usually necessary for climax and bedroom accessories help you achieve that together.  Here are just a few of my favorite and top selling products to give you an idea.





Anyone who orders off my website during the month of February will be entered into a $100 basket give-a-way!  And for any questions, I'm accessible for them through my website or my Facebook group “Pure Romance with Britny

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So, there you have it.  Our first real conversation about Sex.  As I said before, sex is a very important aspect of my life.  And I hope it is for you too!  However, if it's not, my greatest wish is that this feature will get you communicating more with your loved one about what you want out of the intimate side of your relationship; making it an enjoyable and truly bonding experience for you both.

Much Love,





2 comments

  1. That was a great post! Every woman needs to read it!

    ReplyDelete