Six months into our married life we got some life changing news. We were going to have a baby! We were so unprepared, but so excited. My doctor had advised me to start my family sooner than later. I was the proud owner of 2 not-so-useful ovaries & wasn't really sure I would ever get the chance to be a biological parent at all. But, we really were not ready to start having little ones just yet. I took the medical advice though, & we just decided "if it happens, it happens"! I was actually surprised at not only my happiness, but my husband's as well when we saw that first little flicker of a heart beat on the sonogram monitor. I immediately started to day dream about my life with the special little soul that was only the size of a pea. I had never been so happy to admit we were wrong. We were ready to be parents way before we even knew it!
After months of impatiently waiting & a challenging delivery, he was finally in my arms! I couldn't believe that something so perfect could come from the two of us. He made us so happy! As pleased as we were, there was always the nagging feeling that this could be the only time we experience this.
From the time we fell in love we had always talked about our phantom children & what they would be like. Our only hope was that when we were ready to have more it would all be okay. That hope dwindled quickly as our son was 3 & we realized the second child we so wanted was far from our grasp.
Since then we have had a lot of road blocks that could make a weaker person buckle under the pressure. Visit after visit to the doctor's office can become excruciating! But, there is one thing I haven't been through the whole ordeal. I have never been DISCOURAGED! By the grace of God I have been safe from any depression or self doubt that could be justifiable in these circumstances.  I feel like this is because I have always tried to keep myself from not being grateful for what I already have. 
I have so much to love in my life, that I don't want to ever give my energy to things that won't make me a better person. This isn't to say that I sweep everything under the proverbial rug. I get sad, I stress, I yell, etc... But the fact is that I have more than some people are ever fortunate to have. I could have never known what it's like for a good man to love me. I could have never been lucky enough to jump at the sensation of my child kicking for the first time inside of me. I could have never have seen my imperfect parents become perfect grandparents. I could have never felt maternal love for our sibling's children. I could have never been able to know what it's like to have a friend that will
always make the effort to be a part of my life. I could write pages & pages of things I have but only a few words on what I don't.
I feel like I would lose perspective on the blessings I have if I gave in to the black hole that is secondary infertility. I will never give up on expanding our family. Until then, I will only allow myself to focus on what I do have & let go of the things I lack. I am lucky to have the life I have.
Well, there it is Mumsies! My heart on my sleeve! Always remember to count your blessings & to not focus what you don't have. Until next time!!